#4 Final Reaction

After releasing my survey about Polygamy on Facebook, I honestly did not think I would get many responses as I did, because I made the assumption that a lot of people do not know what polygamy is.  I ended up receiving 41 responses!  Out of these 41 responses 31 of them were between the ages of 12-19, and 10 of them were over 20.  I originally thought that more adults would respond to this survey over the amount of teenagers that did only because I assumed that they would have strong views about this topic.  When I got my results back for the question that states "does polygamy go against societal values?" out of the four people that said no, three of them were between the ages of 17-18.  This was a prior observation that my survey proved to be true, because I thought that younger people would be more accepting of this form of love because we are growing up in a different generation than our parents did.

For people who are effected the most by polygamy it seemed to be very close between the wife, and her children.  I personally agree that children are effected the most in this type of family.  Something that surprised me greatly was how legalizing polygamy and gay marriage did not intertwine with each other as well as I thought they would.  I originally thought that if people were accepting of gay marriage that they would be accepting of polygamy as well because I would think that they had an understanding of universal love.  The results showed that most people who said yes to gay marriage, said no to polygamy.  Something that I was not surprised about was that a little over half of the people said that their description of love did not fit the practice of polygamy.  Even though a lot of descriptions had to do with the unity of two people and loving each other unconditionally.

Overall, my results are what I expected for the most part.  I am happy with them, and I am extremely happy with my research.  I loved embracing the fact that I had an opportunity to research something that was once a foreign subject to me.  Learning about different types of relationships and how they differ from a typical monogamous relationship is something that really holds my interest.  If I had to go back and pick another topic I would not do it.  I genuinely enjoyed learning about polygamy, and the happiness and daily struggles that come to these people who practice it.

#3 Revised Summary/Plan/Update

3. I had to change around some of my questions and the WAY that I asked them. I had to be very specific as to what I was trying to get out of the question. That is why I placed the basic questions such as, age, religion, and state towards the end of the survey. I did this because lets say I put these questions at the beginning of my survey, and people were dealing with the one that asked about religion, they would automatically believe that they would have to answer these questions so that it coincided with what is morally correct according to their religious affiliation. That is not the point of this survey the point is to get honest and genuine feedback from people, and see how much my research relates to the reactions and level of acceptance that people show towards this practice. I also made a minor change for my scale questions. I was originally going to do a scale from 1-10, but realized that my questions are not broad enough for that many options.

#2 Details About My Polygamy Survey

I will be releasing a survey on Facebook explaining the details of the project and what I am trying to accomplish using the responses of these surveys.  I am hoping to get one age group of kids my age (around 17), as well as an age group that involves happily married couples (around 40).  I think that it will be interesting to see the acceptance rate of the people who are happily married and understand the true concept of love, as apposed to teenagers who may view Polygamy in a more skeptical way.  Since it is a radical practice, and strays far from the norm it will be interesting to see how many people, if any, accept this practice.  I believe that more married women and men, as well as any people who believe in gay rights will be more opened and accepting of Polygamy.  The only reason I mention people who are accepting of gay rights is because they have completely understood that love is a universal feeling, and does not have to be limited to only a man and a woman. 

Putting Polygamy to the Test

In order to apply my research to the opinions of others, I am going to create a survey with about fifteen questions about Polygamy.  Since many people are unaware of what Polygamy even is the first question will simply be "Do you know what Polygamy is?"  If the answer is no, then they can flip to the back of the survey sheet and a detailed definition about Polygamy will be provided for them.  I am going to give a majority of these surveys to a range of teenagers, but I am also going to give it to both men and women who are married, and see which age group is more opened and accepting of such a different and radical type of culture.  I think it will be very interesting to see the different rates of acceptance within these age groups!

My Final Views of Polygamy

I have come a long way from not even knowing what the word Polygamy meant, to knowing specific situations of polygamous families after doing much research.  I personally really enjoyed learning about this topic, it extremely interesting, and there was something new that I learned every time that I published a blog post.  I was very skeptical about Polygamy when I was first introduced to what it was.  I could not understand how these families functioned, and how any reward of happiness came out of these situations, but my views have changed completely.  Not only do I fully appreciate that people are able to be so different and still cary such pride, but I admire these people for standing up for what they believe in.

I believe that love within these families and these radical situations should not be judged by any means. In no way, shape, or form are these people, hurting, degrading, or disturbing anyone else.  It may be weird and uncomfortable for many, but this is how these people express love for another person/people.  Loving more than one person and being apart of a unified family with everyone working together to make things work is what these people enjoy.  I also learned that a lot of people who practice polygamy grew up in a polygamous family themselves, so for many it is really all that they know.  We automatically think as outsiders that this is weird, unusual, and not morally right but just like these practicers don't judge monogamous marriages, we should not judge their way of loving just because it is different and does not fit the social norm.

I also discovered through my research that a big portion of the supporters of this practice come from gay-rights organizations.  We can draw the connection between these two groups in the area that states that they stray from societal norms.  I think at this point with gay-marriage being legal in 17 states, we can agree that just because the marriage is between people of the same gender, doesn't mean that they love each other any less or differently that opposite sex marriages.  Being accepting of all people is something that our society needs to work on as a whole.  Judgement and the urge to ridicule is something that comes easily to the human condition unfortunately, but part of making peace within our country and our society in general is being accepting.

L.O.V.E.

© Jeremy Vega

L, is for the Laughter I give to you every day 
knowing you'll never go away

O, is for the Options we'll have when were together 
knowing our love couldn't get any better

V, is for the Visions I have of you 
knowing I'll never find anyone quite like you

E, is for Everything that's true I've every said 
especially when I said "we'll be together till were dead"

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/love-16#ixzz2vYJlIC3L 

Above is a poem that I found online about love that specifically appealed to me.  While keeping this in mind I tried not to restrict my thoughts to just love shared between a man and a woman.  I thought about the loving relationship shared by a mother and her daughter, a wife and her husband, a gay, married couple, and people in polygamous families.  Regardless of what you practice or believe in, the meaning and feeling of love does not change.  Love to one person may feel differently than love to next person, but it serves the same purpose.  It is a human emotion to feel love, and to feel the joy and comfort that love provides.

This bring me back to the "live and let live" idea that i've touched upon in earlier posts.  After studying and researching polygamous societies and many different families, I believe that their should not be restriction put on love.  If you find love and acceptance out of a polygamous family, then so be it.  No one else can tell you what is morally just and what is not, only you can decide that for yourself.  Acts of polygamy come with many negativities, but all relationships have their issues, and if you love the person or people you are dealing with, then you will do everything in your power to work things out.  Love is patient, kind, and unlimited.  If we were only capable of loving one person in our lives (ex: only loving your mother), than we would be restricted on the beautiful relationships that God intended for us to create. 

The Perils of Polygamy

The Perils of Polygamy

Because polygamy is a lifestyle for those who practice it, just like a monogamous marriage, every relationship is different.  About 85% of societies have experienced polygamy in their communities.  Supporters of same sex marriage play a big role in the process of trying to legalize polygamy.  A lot of people don't know that polygamy actually comes in three different forms of relationships, polygyny, polyandry, and polygynandry.  Polygyny is the most well known form of polygamy where there are many two or more wives and one husband in the relationship.  Polygandry is basically the opposite, where two or more husbands share one wife.  This form of polygamy is pretty radical and is not seen very often.  In most situations like this, two brothers marry one wife.  Lastly, polygynandry is the practice where at least two wives marry at least two husbands, but they all share a relationship.

I thought that this article was extremely interesting because it is very shocking when you first discover that polygamy comes in a variety of forms.  As outsiders, we see the power struggles between the senior and junior wives in polygyny.  The senior wives are viewed as superior and more knowledgeable, while they still feel intrigued by the junior wives because they are younger (usually early twenties), and are new to the family.  I was always very bias about this topic of polygamy because it is something that I’ve never experienced, so I think, who am I to judge?  Now that I have been exposed to the ideas of polygynandry and polyandry, I am starting to become a bit more skeptical.  I don’t see how a brother marrying one wife could have the potential to be successful.  I would imagine that these offspring might acquire much confusion and difficulties throughout their lifetime, having two father figures who happen to be brothers.

Polygynandry is also something that is fairly difficult for me to wrap my head around.  I personally don’t understand how you could create a family that involves two or more wives, and two or more husbands all sharing the same relationships.  This is an extremely rare form of polygamy, but I can just imagine the constant power struggle and confusion that these families may have on a day-to-day basis.  I am a very firm believer in the saying, “live and let live,” but I think that somewhere society and ethical morals should draw the line.  I understand that all of these practices are illegal, although, I can’t comprehend how some people view this to be the CORRECT way to live. 

A Not So Normal Lifestyle

Do you ever feel like some things you and your family do are out of the ordinary?  Like if any of your friends ever knew what your little brother just said from across the dinner table, you would be mortified?  Imagine living a lifestyle that is completely right for you and follows all your morals and beliefs, but is looked down on by society.  This short video above shows a young Polygamist family.  One wife being 28 years old, and other being only 20, both having the same husband who is 28.  I found this short clip very interesting and unique because it went in depth about the family's beliefs about the lifestyle they live.  Many Catholics would most likely infer that polygamy is a sin because in the Catholic Church, Holy Matrimony is meant to be between a man and a woman.  Therefore, you would not expect these families to be religious and worship God in any way.  In this case we see the exact opposite.  One of the wives states that she believes that this is the way that God lives.  We also saw the whole family saying grace together, so, regardless of this family's situation, God is still standing by their side.

This video also shows the emotional aspect of this relationship, and how building a family impacts it greatly.  In the beginning of the video the husband states that the three of them have been married for a year and a half.  He emphasizes in his tone of voice that their relationship is a team effort, and something that is shared between the three of them.  The women admit that their is obviously jealousy at times, that it is a human emotion, and can not be avoided, but the two women love each other and value their family greatly.  The women explain how they are each other's best friends and that they would never say "this is my kid."  They have kids together, and they explain that if one of them were unable to have kids they would still have kids.  With one of the wives having 25 siblings, she explains how she does not want to put a number on her family.  This way of living is definitely unique and takes a lot of patience and understanding to be apart of, but this video showed me that the value of family is the same regardless of whether it is polygomist or not.

1, 2, 3 Cheese!

When we look at this family portrait the first thing that comes to mind is naturally something along the lines of, "oh my goodness, how can someone possibly have such a big family?"  In this picture, there are twenty-five kids, five wives, and one husband.  Regardless of your views on Polygamy, as a viewer, you can not help but think, "what does each member think of this situation?"  Obviously for the kids it is something normal to them because it is what they are use to, and all they know.  Think about how it feels to have one sibling who shares the same mom and dad as you, and another who shares the same dad, but has a different mom, and you are just as close to both; to you they are both equally your siblings.  Think how it may feel to be a child in this family and to have three ladies living in the house who are not your mother, but may be your brother's mother, what is your relationship with them like?  On the other hand what about a mother who's child is not hers, but lives in her house amongst her children who the child calls their brothers and sisters?  What is her relationship with them like?  And finally, the father, how does he feel about having all these children who are his by blood, having different mothers?

A lot of this is hard for us to wrap our heads around, and there are so many questions we can ask about these types of situations.  It is not something that is very common for people in the Unites States, so for us, it is considered to be something that is weird, radical, and out of place.  Although, people who take part in the practice of polygamy may look at us and think the same thing; "how can a man only love one woman?  How can the woman take care of her children all by herself without the help of any other women?  Societal norms differ depending on where you live, your surroundings, how you were brought up, etc.  I thought this picture was interesting, and it caught my attention right away because earlier today I was looking at a family picture that my family and I had taken on the beach over the summer.  Viewing my family portrait I thought about how much fun we had that day, and how hectic my house is with only four people.  As soon as I saw this family portrait of thirty-one people my first reaction was to sympathize with them because of how hectic and chaotic their household must be.  All families are different, and this picture was a perfect visual example of something that is socially unacceptable to us, but completely normal and correct to others.

A Look into "Sister Wives"

Although Polygamy is illegal and not practiced in all 50 states, it is something that is brought to our attention through the popular show, Sister Wives.  This video demonstrates a sneak peak into the show, and what it is really about.  I thought it was an informative video, and introduction to the show because it touches upon a lot of factors of this practice.  The first and the most obvious being, the numerous amount of wives within a family.  One of the newer woman coming into the family describes how she knew that it was going to be difficult situation and something she would have get used to, but she never knew that it would break her heart.  This shows the emotional aspect, and shows that you have to have certain views in order to make this way of living work.  For example, another wife describes how someone asked her how she is okay with her husband going away with another wife, and knowing that they are having sexual intercourse, and she says "they better."  Therefore, the audience has to assume that you have to view marriage and accept the differences that come along with this way of marriage in a more opened way.  Jealousy is something that is a natural reaction in any person regardless if they are in a marriage or simply a new relationship, but in a family like this, it is something you have to look past.  Another factor that is shown briefly in this video is the quantity of these families.  In this particular family there are thirteen children, and some of them have different mothers, and others do not, but they all have the same father.  As you can see, the practice of Polygamy causes awfully sticky situations, and has to be something you are completely open to if you are partaking in this way of living.

Striving for Acceptance

The reconsideration of Polygamy as a whole is currently being issued in the United States.  In CNN's article Reconsider Polygamy, the first common relationship used as an example is the rising television show, "Sister Wives."  A federal judge in the state of Utah has recently put out a statement saying that the anti-Polygamy law that is present in the state of Utah is unconstitutional.  This arose a lot of discussion because in states like Utah, Arizona, and Texas, Polygamy is either practiced, or their is a current group of activists in these states who greatly support the issue.

Although a plural marriage may seem morally unacceptable, activists still have hope that their beliefs will someday be justified.  The statement that DOMA released about same sex marriage defined marriage as, "a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife."  In the eye of the public this can appear to apply to only the issue of same sex marriage that has been a hot topic for the past couple of years, but it also was made to apply to the practice of Polygamy as well.  This stern statement was released, and same sex marriage has since been legalized in more than one state.  Therefore, the activists, feeding off of that hope, and statements similar to the one recently made by the federal judge from Utah gives these people the motivation to keep fighting.

I support the idea that these activists are fighting for what they believe in, and not loosing faith in the matter.  Although, as mentioned in the article numerous times, there is not a "clean-cut" way to practice Polygamy.  Many times in these situations wives and their children are abused or neglected when their husbands search for new spouses.  This cracks down on not only their self-esteem, but also their support system financially, and emotionally.  Well-known pop-culture icons, such as Akon, support and provoke plural marriages, but by doing this he is encouraging the activists and is making Polygamy look somewhat acceptable to the public.  I personally do not believe in this practice for the reason that it can cause emotional distress and damage for these woman and children.  Even though it is argued in this article that discriminating Polygamy is making this abuse harder to see because the practice is being done secretly, we as a unified country should be working to stop abuse in general, not just abuse within this practice.

Polygamy Introduction

I picked the topic of Polygamy because I do not know much about it, and it doesn't make much logical sense to me that it would ever be acceptable for a man to have more than one wife!  I want to research and discover how this changes people's daily lives, and how it effects them emotionally.  The questions I will ask throughout my research is, Where do the lines of faith and trust in your partner fall?  How are the woman in these situations okay with this?  What desires these men to have more than one wife?